How Long, O Lord, Shall We Be Quarantined?

“Captain’s Log. Day: Who Knows?” Since governors across the United States began issuing stay-at-home orders to slow the spread of COVID-19, jokes about days blurring together helped us laugh and cope with cabin fever. Yet as weeks passed into months, and some states extended shelter-in-place restrictions indefinitely, the running gag lost its appeal. We missContinue reading “How Long, O Lord, Shall We Be Quarantined?”

When Going Requires Letting Go

Sometimes news is good. Sometimes it’s bad. Other times it’s good, but you’re scared to say it out loud. After a year’s worth of prayer and conversations with trusted friends, I decided to stop holding monthly meetings for Graceful Wait. My ministry partner, Ashley, and I are still offering one-on-one support, and will maintain theContinue reading “When Going Requires Letting Go”

I Lift My Eyes to the Microwave

1:30. I punch the numbers and slump against the kitchen counter, waiting. One and a half minutes seems too long. My abdomen is howling, crying out for relief from the cramps. They shoot across my belly, fiery darts skittering through blood vessels and tissue and organs, a jumble of body parts fused together by metastatic disease.Continue reading “I Lift My Eyes to the Microwave”

What Are We Waiting For?

“Is it snack time yet?” My five-year-old hounds me with this question throughout the day, in between the times he’s asking about lunch or dinner. It gets old quickly, and I wind up losing my temper almost as frequently as he pulls on my shirt, begging for nourishment. Just as my son doesn’t always understandContinue reading “What Are We Waiting For?”

God Never Wastes the Space Between

“I’m sorry to tell you it didn’t work,” the doctor said gently, then exhaled: “We didn’t get any embryos.” And with her sigh, my dream of motherhood disintegrated. It had been a long haul to reach this point. Tests, medications, surgeries. Unsure diagnoses, ineffective treatments, bills upon bills. And all for what? One tiny, pink,Continue reading “God Never Wastes the Space Between”