Considering how many people describe the IVF process as an emotional roller coaster, I should have expected our cycle to start off with a steep, stomach-lurching drop. Yesterday, during my first monitoring appointment, the ultrasound showed a cyst and not much growth in the follicles. Unbeknownst to me, I had started the cycle with a tiny cyst (shown in the baseline ultrasound) that the doctors weren’t worried about but now appears to be getting larger due to the meds. The nurse said they’d call me with the results of my blood tests, which would show if my hormone levels were normal and help the doctor determine if my dosage should be increased or if we would need to cancel the cycle.

For some reason, this came as a shock to me, perhaps because I’d only been getting the shots for three days and had just had an ultrasound done four days prior. I knew that cycles can be canceled if the patient doesn’t respond well to the meds or delayed due to cysts or other problems revealed in the baseline ultrasound. But I didn’t think I’d face this possibility so soon. As a result of my ill-preparedness for that major downer, I quickly became concerned, i.e., I freaked out and automatically assumed the worst: We’d have to cancel the cycle, and because of the holidays, wouldn’t be able to try again until January.

Immediately after the appointment, while suppressing the urge to sob and fly out of control, I called Colin, who calmed me down and recommended not jumping to conclusions until we heard back from the nurse – in other words, to be logical about it. Logic is not my strong suit; however, with the help of my friend, Kelly, who has been through IVF, and her wonderful reminders that God is in control of this situation and is working through it for His glory and my good, I got through the couple hours of waiting for the nurse to call without a complete meltdown.

She had good news: My blood tests were normal and the doc wasn’t concerned about the cyst. They just wanted me to bump up the dosage of meds to stimulate more follicles.

Today, the nurse called me once again to say the doc wanted to see me earlier than planned to make sure the boosted dosage was working OK. I’ll go in tomorrow morning and find out if the follicles are fired up yet. So my prayer request for now would be that the ultrasound will show that the follicles are growing and the cyst is shrinking.

While we don’t know yet if the shots are working, we’ve become pros at shot administration. After a minor mishap during the first attempt, when Colin accidentally used a larger needle than necessary and worried that he’d jabbed it in so far it punctured my intestines, we figured out a virtually pain-free method of injection: I pinch a chunk of skin and Colin gives me the shot, which stings for a few seconds and leaves a little red mark from the needle prick. Then he discards the used needles in the SoBe bottle we’re using as a makeshift Sharps container and I scoop us up some ice cream as our reward for going through the whole ordeal.

Thankfully, I haven’t noticed many side effects besides a few headaches and some abdominal uneasiness, but then again, my stomach is uneasy half the time, anyways, thanks to IBS-related issues. Colin is preparing for the worst in terms of hormone-induced mood swings, but that hasn’t been too bad, either, in my estimation. He might have a different opinion. All in all, the process hasn’t been entirely awful thus far. I just hope we will be able to continue and not have to postpone the procedure to a later time.

Had my baseline ultrasound yesterday and got the go-ahead to start the stimulation medicine today. So this evening, Colin will get the honor of giving me two shots in my belly – what better way to wrap up a Friday date night!

The nurse led us through an injection training session, during which Colin dozed off and didn’t perk up until he heard the nurse say something about his prescriptions. He resumed napping once she reassured him that he would be taking oral medications, not shots. Of course, I am not looking forward to getting a couple of shots a day throughout the course of October; however, I feel somewhat prepared, having gone through a few years of allergy shots 1-2x a week when I was younger. I was that nerdy kid who couldn’t play outside in the spring due to the sneezing fits I’d get whenever I breathed in the heady scent of Scotch broom pollen. But, as Emily reminded me earlier this week, at least I didn’t have to wear an oxygen mask in public places and be shipped off to asthma camp like Justin.

Learning how to use all these injections was definitely daunting, and paying for them wasn’t exactly a blast, either. Walking out of a pharmacy with a grocery bag full of meds was a new experience for me, one that I hope not to repeat. The sheer volume of drugs, needles, alcohol swabs, and other paraphernalia was so ridiculous I decided to take a picture of it all laid out on our table. Note: This pic was taken before I got more needles and an injection pen at my appointment.

Impressive as it is, this supply doesn’t hold a candle to my mom’s Port-a-Pharmacy she makes my dad lug around everywhere. She likes to have this cache of meds on hand for her autoimmune flare-ups and everyday emergencies – you know, like if someone happens to get typhoid fever and needs heavy-duty antibiotics. Big Pharma owes Mom a big thanks, as do I – she has set an amazing example for enduring health issues with grace and patience, an area I’d like to grow in as we proceed with IVF.

A few people have asked me if I’m excited to begin IVF, to which I would answer that I’m as excited as one can be about starting an expensive, emotionally and physically taxing process that has a 50/50 or less chance of resulting in us having a biological child. It is exciting to be moving forward in our path to parenthood and nerve-wracking to wonder if the procedure will work. Beyond that, it is comforting to have family and friends encourage and pray for us during this time of uncertainty. We are extremely grateful for your support.

I didn’t anticipate the need to write again so soon after the most recent post, and was expecting to take a little break to recover from the emotional hangover resulting from my blog broadcast of our infertility issues. However, as with many situations in life, things didn’t turn out the way I thought. And this thing isn’t necessarily good or bad, just not what I expected.

But enough ambiguity; what I’m referring to is the schedule for our IVF cycle. For no particular reason, in my mind, I figured we’d start taking the meds the first week of October, and, not knowing how IVF works, thought it would take a month to complete. So when the nurse called and said she’d devised a schedule based on a start date of September 24 – as in three days from the moment she called – I had a minor freak-out. This was a pretty silly reaction, considering that the nurse said the schedule could be changed, not to mention that the whole reason we’re doing IVF is because having a baby didn’t happen when we had planned. Our ETAF (Estimated Time of Adding to our Family) was off by two or more years; starting IVF earlier by a week or so should be NBD (definition for the non-texters: No Big Deal).

Thankfully, the nurse was patient with me, and Colin even more so. After a couple iterations, we came up with a game plan based on a start date of October 1. Of course, all of this could be a moot point if the ultrasound they do on September 30 shows a cyst or something else that would make the doc frown and say “Hmmmm.” Barring that, the schedule, which imported nicely into my iCal and will set off alarms every time I’m supposed to get a shot, has tentative dates for the retrieval, transfer, and the scariest of all, the pregnancy test.

As October 1 draws closer, I’m praying for peace and sanity, both for my sake and for Colin’s. Lately I’ve been stressing out about trying to know what to do/what not to do so I won’t be stressed during IVF. So, to reduce the stress of figuring out how to avoid stress, it seems the best course of action is to maintain routine activities and simply be less of a perfectionist, for once. The baseboards can go without getting dusted for awhile (or ever, in Colin’s opinion).

If this post sounds a little scattered, that’s probably due to the 15 minutes I spent watching DirecTV’s RedZone Channel, which has got to be the most ADD-enabling program on TV. I’m not sure when my next post will be, but I have plenty of ideas for infertility-related topics to discuss, including some good articles I found as well as updates on the support group we’re involved in at church. And I might try to throw in a post or two about non-infertility-related topics, like what’s going on in our college small group and what new TV shows we’re digging this season. For now, I’ve got something better to do than blog – cheer on the Seahawks. Yet another opportunity to moderate my expectations.